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Henny Youngman Jokes and Notes



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Henny Youngman's 500
Paperback / Published 1990
(Special Order)

Henny Youngman's Bar Bets, Bar Jokes, Bar Tricks
Henny Youngman / Hardcover / Published 1994
(Publisher Out Of Stock)

Henny Youngman's Book of Jokes
Henny Youngman / Paperback / Published 1992
Our Price: $4.50 (Special Order)
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Take My Album Please
Henny Youngman / Audio CD / Published 1995
Our Price: $9.98 + $0.85 special surcharge (Special Order)

Take My Album Please
Henny Youngman / Audio Cassette / Published 1995
Our Price: $5.98 + $1.85 special surcharge (Special Order)

The World's Worst Jokes/Audio Cassette
Henny Youngman / Audio Cassette / Published 1987
Our Price: $10.95 (Special Order)

Young at Heart Comedians
Henny Youngman / VHS Tape / Published 1988
Our Price: $29.99 (Special Order)

Bar bets, bar jokes, bar tricks
Henny Youngman
(Hard to Find)

Best of Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman / Published 1979
(Hard to Find)

The Encyclopedia of One Liners
Henny Youngman, Ed Shanaphy (Editor) / Published 1989
(Hard to Find)

Henny Youngman : King of the One-Liners/Cassette (Old Time Radio) Vol 2
Published 1985
(Hard to Find)

Henny Youngman : King of the One-Liners/Cassette (Old Time Radio) Vol 1
Published 1985
(Hard to Find)

Henny Youngman : Take My Jokes, Please
Henny Youngman / Published 1986
(Hard to Find)

Henny Youngman's 999 Funniest One-Liners
Henny Youngman, Jerry Van Amerongen (Illustrator) / Published 1994
(Hard to Find)
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Henny Youngman's greatest one-liners
Henny Youngman
(Hard to Find)

Take My Jokes, Please
Henny Youngman / Published 1983
(Hard to Find)

If it's not the Bible Belt
and it's not the Rust Belt
It must be the Borscht Belt

Henny Youngman was the quintessential Borscht Belt comic. The Jewish resorts in the Catskills Mountains of New York State were the proving ground of many of the great comedians, but ironically it wasn't always so hospitable to people of the Jewish faith. In the year Youngman was born, an advertisement for the Hotel Lawrence in Loch Sheldrake barred alcohol, people infected with tuberculosis and "Hebrews."

A businessman named Fleischmann (of Fleischmann'sYeast fame) opened a family vacation spot in the area anda few years later, it became a hot spot for Jewish vacationersfrom New York, with some hotels advertising, "For Hebrewsonly." Among the other comedy greats whose skills were honed inthe Catskills are Joey Adams, Jack E. Leonard and Jackie Vernon.


Sample of Henny Youngman Material:


I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

He's an agent now. He must know talent. He gave up acting.

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.


Hey, Uncle Miltie,
Thanks for the Help
But No Thanks...

Milton Berle got Youngman a grueling job at Gallagher's, on 47th St. and Seventh Ave. in New York, doing seven shows a night. Later, Berle did him a "favor" that nearly got both men killed. Berle got him a job at the Club Abbey, a "mobster" speakeasy. Berle often showed up there after his own show to help Youngman out.

One night, two rival gang chiefs shot and stabbed it out. Berle, Youngman "and the rest of the audience," as Berle tells it, "got the hell out the Abbey as fast as we could."


Henny Youngman's Favorite Insults:

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

If you have your life to live over again, don't do it.

He was born on April 2. A day late.

I'd like to say we're glad you're here -- I'd like to say it...

He gives his wife something to look forward to -- a divorce.

Why don't you go to a window and lean out too far?

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

Someday you'll go to far, and I hope you'll stay there.

Look at him, sex takes a holiday!

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.



compiled by Doug Graham
Take My Jokes- Please
Henny Youngman / Published 1988
(Hard to Find)

Take My Life Please (Thorndike Large Print)
Henny Youngman, Neal Karlen / Published 1992
(Hard to Find)
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Take My Life, Please!
Henny Youngman / Published 1991
(Hard to Find)
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Take My Wife ... Please!
Henny. Youngman / Published 1973
(Hard to Find)


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